i should warn you though, i have a motive. today my son, alex, would have turned 13. he was stillborn. no explanation. not that one would have mattered anyway.
it's an ache that i cannot describe. that's what 13 years will do to seething pain...it turns it into an ache.
i am incomplete. forever.
but on his day, i try extra hard to be the kind of person he would be proud to call "mom." life for everyone else moved on rather quickly, but a part of me is still sitting in that hospital bed, kissing his sweet forehead. this day brings a restlessness with it. a need to celebrate the birth of one of the greatest loves of my life.
this years celebration involves you.
do something for you. for no other reason that it brings you joy.
sometimes i take a shower by candle light. ha! too much information? the point is, that just the change in lighting turns getting clean into a small moment of joy for me. maybe for you, it's the fancy handsoap that you never buy, but you would if the kids wouldn't use it all. or an evening walk. alone. how about the flavor of ice cream that you pass up at the grocery store because you are the only one that likes it?
do it today. for me. please? we all know how good moms are at putting the small stuff off. but just for today, make time. in celebration of a little guy who changed my world. it would really make me smile to know that others had a bit of joy today because of him.
my joy came in the form of daffodils.
come back and tell us what joy you created for yourself today!
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