i learned that excruciating pain can be completely erased when a tiny human takes his first breath in your arms.
i have started this post a million times. i honestly don't know where to begin.
i talk a lot about how you view life as an adventure. lucky for me, i was chosen to tag along on your trip. sometimes, you even let me drive!
carrying you was the most complete feeling i have ever had in my life. i wonder if you, being a boy and all, will ever be able to comprehend that. it was amazing (minus the months when i was so tired and sick i would pass out in my work clothes, only to change when i got up in the middle of the night to vomit). all was right with my world. i have never felt that level of contentment before, or since.
along with that though, was a constant worry that i would lose you. never, in the history of birthin' babies, was a woman so happy to jump into maternity wear. looking back, i'm sure it was my feeble attempt to hurry the pregnancy past the point of no return.
it took a few years to get pregnant with you. i took 3 pregnancy tests, each one made me smile bigger, my heart race faster.
feeling you move in my ever-growing belly was the best, i felt it pretty early, at 4 months along. from then on, you never stopped. you would react to music, to daddy's voice, and to me laying down. as soon as i would lay down, you would wake up. they say that's because when i was walking around, it would rock you to sleep. the bigger you got, the crazier my stomach would move. eventually, the movement was visible from the outside and every once in a while i could see the outline of a hand or foot.
ironically, what turned out to be my last doctors appointment was on the day you were born. the afternoon was strange, a mix a disbelief and excitement that it was actually happening. i went to the hospital around 6:00pm, dialated to 6. five hours later, at 11:07pm, all 8lbs., 2oz, of you arrived. daddy cut the cord and they laid you on my chest. the very first words you ever heard were me whispering "i've waited so long for you."
you have no idea how much love awaited your arrival. daddy and i adored you, long before we actually met you. you were concieved because i loved your father more than i had ever loved another human being. you are the result of a love like no other. no matter what happens, remember that.
happy birthday, baby. i love you more.
